Valentine's Reflections - Fifteen Minutes To Flawless

I thought I’d take today’s post in a different direction given Valentine’s Day and what it means for me. 🙂

From when I started dating through my first serious relationship, I was a sweet and hopeless romantic. I was a girl that genuinely cared- and showed it. I put my guy first and tried hard to be a “good” girlfriend. The problem (of course) was guys my age weren’t ready for that. Breakups, when they happened, devastated me because I invested so much. While career mattered, I didn’t realize until later that my biggest focus after college was to get hitched.

Shortly before I turned 24 I met a pretty good guy. He had a good career trajectory, wasn’t bad looking, and overall was a good boyfriend. Looking back, there was nothing exceptional about “us”. But for the first time this “relationship” girl was with a “relationship” guy. We got along well and it was good. For a long time. Something was missing though that I couldn’t pinpoint, but I always pushed that feeling down. The longer we dated, the more attached I became. We were both living in California; he was in the military and two years later received a transfer to Hawaii. Yes, Hawaii! But the transfer started with a deployment to Afghanistan. It was a lonely nine months; I sent care packages and carefully arranged my schedule around his calls. When he got back, I was waiting to welcome him off the plane. At this point I thought this was it…and believe me, I was invested the part. I’d even started searching for jobs in Hawaii. I was always more invested, but when he got back that gap was even wider. Maybe coming back to a three year relationship wasn’t exciting after dodging death- or maybe it was his newfound freedom in paradise…I’ll never know. But a month after he got back, he broke up with me. I was shocked, devastated- and registering a level of emotional pain I’d never come close to. Ironically, the morning after the breakup I had my first phone interview for a job in Hawaii. I almost, almost canceled but something made me take it. The interview turned into another, and another…and before I knew it I had an offer in Hawaii. A good offer. I had to do it, right?

I moved to Honolulu in 2011 and four months later met Ridge. He was the exact opposite of my ex in every way. I fell in love, but for the first time had met a guy who was more invested than me. But beyond that, there was something about him-and about us-I couldn’t pinpoint. Something that made this relationship very, very special. Unfortunately I didn’t realize it then, but I was still processing my past relationship- and for the first time treated a guy as I’d been treated in my relationships before. I wrote our entire love story here (so don’t want to bore you with repetition!); we lost each other, then found out we were having a daughter–and nearly four years later found each other again 6,000 miles closer to home. While we were apart, I was single, not looking, and not dating for two straight years…ten times longer than any other period of my adult life.

It was during this time that I finally, finally learned to be happy on my own. I focused wholeheartedly on my daughter and chasing my passions and my goals–and great things happened. I invested in real estate. I made strategic career decisions and took advantage of every opportunity that came my way. I worked like crazy to get this blog off the ground. Because of how things went down with Ridge, I never imagined we’d reconcile, but then it happened- and it was perfect. Everything we had going for us in Hawaii was still strong, but he had matured and I wasn’t carrying relationship baggage. But most importantly, I had finally found out who I was and what I wanted out of life. Looking back, I realize I had to find myself before I found the right guy-even when he was right in front of me. Now I know what I want, and I’m unbelievably blessed to be with a guy who supports me as I chase my dreams (just as I do his). And, of course, he also happens to be the darling daddy to my sweet baby girl, which makes it all the more amazing.

If you are single and reading this on Valentine’s, take heart you beautiful lady, you! We girls spend so much time and effort on finding, cultivating, and keeping a relationship- with an ever-eye towards the “big day”. It’s a metric with which society subtly measures our success, but it shouldn’t be that way.

As I learned the long way, don’t chase it. Chase your dreams– and your Romeo will find you. I promise.

XO,
Terra

P.S. Here are a few photos of me and Ridge five years ago…just a couple of kids! 😉

A typical evening at Waikiki Beach